I wish I could tell you that I learned how to open a coconut while I was vacationing in Tahiti, or that I first cracked one open out of thirst-quenching necessity after a day spent surfing Oahu's North Shore. But I’ve never been to Tahiti, and I immediately run toward shore at the first sign of a 5-foot wave. No, I actually learned how to crack open a coconut in my kitchen, through trial and error, after being lured by a full stack of whole coconuts at the grocery store. I had grabbed one and placed it in my cart nonchalantly, hoping my fellow shoppers would catch a glimpse (you’re lying if you say you don’t glance sneakily at other people’s carts) and think I was the kind of cool person who consumed fresh coconut as often as a piece of toast. This is real, this is me. Narrator: It was not real. Let’s learn how to open a coconut together.
Step One
Locate the “three eyes” on the top of the coconut. Stare at the coconut and watch as it stares back at you. Use a metal skewer to poke and prod the eyes like an optometrist and find the one that feels the softest; once you do, push the skewer through to create a hole. You may need to use a mallet or hammer for added pressure, but do so carefully.
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